Pede Poena Claudo
by TwinEnigma
Summary: In which Naruto picks up his daughter from school and is pranked. Post-series, NaruSaku, sequel to Aetas Volat


_**Pede Poena Claudo**_

**By TwinEnigma**

_Warnings: Post-series, familyfic, NaruSaku; Sequel to Aetas Volat.  
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Sakura is busy today – there's a surgery that needs an expert and she's as expert as they come – so Naruto will be the one to pick up their daughter from school.

Well, to be utterly specific, Sakura had asked her assistant to inform Naruto she'd be working late and that the assistant was to pick up Hana, but there'd been a slight change of plans. See, Naruto had spent the better part of the day up to his elbows in paperwork and mission requests and he was halfway to gnawing his own arm off to escape by the time the assistant arrived. It was the perfect opportunity and he'd wasted no time. She'd probably never even noticed the substitution that replaced him with a shadow clone.

Naruto rocks on his heels a little, twiddling his thumbs behind his back as he watches the school doors impatiently.

His ANBU are probably still two blocks away, trying to catch up.

Lovely jutsu that Hiraishin, he thinks.

There are other parents there. He notices the civilian ones watching him with a sort of bewildered curiosity. It's well-placed. He's a practical legend now and he never quite appears where they expect him to or in any fashion that would be considered predictable. The shinobi parents, among them several friends (including that utter ass Sasuke), don't seem surprised at all to see him.

That's the joke for shinobi, of course: he's predictable in the fact that he's unpredictable, and so if Naruto appears unexpectedly, it's only to be expected.

In fact, Sasuke is wearing a look that seems downright anticipatory. He must be up to something.

That or he's constipated.

Naruto focuses on the clock and tries not to think about it. Sasuke has yet to pay him back for the thing involving the ducks and he knows Sasuke has a nasty sense of disproportionate retribution – really, the genjutsu of Ichiraku burning was uncalled for!

The bell tolls and, suddenly, a cacophony of screaming, thundering feet, and giggling fills the air, exploding outward as the doors burst open. Children are everywhere, a sea of snotty noses and grass-stained clothing. And there, wild orange hair standing up like a crazy beacon, is his daughter.

...Elbowing a boy in the ribs.

Naruto sighs: that's his baby girl.

"Daddy!" Hana squeals happily, running toward him and straight into his waiting arms for a bear hug.

Funny, he doesn't remember her leaving the house with a blue shirt this morning. Oh well, maybe he's just mistaken.

She squirms and he sets her down.

"How was school today?" Naruto asks. "Did you have fun?"

Hana nods enthusiastically. "I got _married_!"

Naruto's eye twitches and then he remembers that she's four. It's obviously pretend so he doesn't have to order anyone murdered.

_...Yet._

"Is that so?" he asks, smiling.

"Yeah! He gave me his shirt an' I said _I do_ an' _everything_," she says proudly, and spins in place, revealing a huge red and white _uchiwa._

Naruto immediately snaps his head in the direction he last saw Sasuke.

Said bastard is grinning like a particularly satisfied cat that's just caught the biggest mouse in the barn and has the gall to sign _me: one; you: zero._ The bastard's son is hanging on his hand, unaware of the exchange and happily babbling about something or other.

"Really," he says, glaring at Sasuke and planning to assign the jounin the worst D-ranks he can find for a week.

"Uh-huh!" Hana says, happily, bobbing her head.

_You go too far, Uchiha_, Naruto thinks and then has an idea.

It's glorious and evil and very, very bad and Sakura will absolutely _end_ him if she learns of this.

He leans down, whispers in his daughter's ear, and then gives Sasuke an unholy grin of triumph.

"Oooh," Hana says, in realization. "Is that why you do everything mommy says?"

"Is what why?" Sakura asks, from behind Naruto.

Naruto blanches.

_Busted_, he thinks in terror.

Sasuke bursts into laughter, leading his son away.

"I got married!" Hana tells her mother, happily. "And daddy says I get to tell Rinji to do whatever I want because I'm his boss now!"

Sakura raises an eyebrow, her amusement deceptive as she picks up her daughter. "Really now?"

"I said _I do_," Hana says, solemnly. "And he gave me his shirt, so it's true."

"Well, then," Sakura says, turning a mischievous grin to Naruto. "I suppose this means we should see about the dowry."

Naruto is no idiot and he's pretty sure dowries aren't done anymore, at least not unless it's an old clan like the Hyuuga.

"What's a dowry?" Hana asks, looking at her mother curiously.

"Oh, I'd say about fifty bowls of miso pork ramen, wouldn't you say, Naruto?" Sakura's smile is saccharine and devilish in one. "And then we _have_ to have a reception."

Naruto whimpers in awe. He _loves_ this woman.

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**AN: **Title means "punishment comes limping," or more accurately, retribution comes slowly.


End file.
